'Neck News - Vol. 2 Issue 11 - May 24, 2006

REDNECK PHOTO of the DAY
 Real people, really!

Redneck Baby Bath

REDNECK 911

Ellie Mae passed away and Billy Boy called 911. The 911-operator told Bubba that she would send someone out right away. "Where do you live?" asked the operator. Bubba replied, "At the end of Eucalyptus Drive." The operator asked, "Can you spell that for me?" After a long pause, Bubba said, "How 'bout I drag her over to Oak Street and you pick her up there?"

 YOU'RE A REDNECK IF...

...you take your dog for a walk and you both
use the same tree

...you can entertain yourself for more than an
hour with a fly swatter.

...your property has been mistaken for
a recycling center.

...the Salvation Army declines your mattress.

...you have the local taxidermist on speed dial.

MARTHA STEWART'S
*TIPS FOR REDNECKS *

GENERAL...
1. Never take a beer to a job interview.
2. Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.
3. It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.
4. If you have to vacuum the bed, it is time to change the sheets.
5. Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it is still rude to drive The U- Haul to the funeral home.