'Neck News - Vol. 2 Issue 12 - June 2, 2006

REDNECK PHOTO of the DAY
 Real people, really!

Redneck Lottery Winner

THREE REDNECKS
 

A man turns to the guy next to him at a bar and asks, "Do you want to hear a redneck story?"

The guy answers, "Buddy, I'm 6 feet 220 pounds, I'm a redneck. You see the guy on the other side of you?That's Bubba Sr., he's 236 pounds of solid muscle and he's a redneck too. And the guy next to him? He's a trucker who weighs 397 and he's a redneck. Now do ya still wanna tell your redneck story?"

The fella says,
"Heck NO...then I'd have to explain it THREE times!"

 YOU'RE A REDNECK IF...

You come back from the dump with
more than you took.

You keep a can of Raid on the kitchen table.

Your wife can climb a tree faster than your cat.

Your grandmother has "Ammo"
on her Christmas list.
 

MARTHA STEWART'S
* TIPS FOR REDNECKS *
Part Two

PERSONAL HYGIENE...
While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money.

Use of proper toiletries can only delay bathing for a few days.

Dirt and grease under the fingernails is a social no-no, as they tend to detract from a woman's jewelry and alter the taste of finger foods.

ENTERTAINING IN YOUR HOME...
A centerpiece for the table should never be anything prepared by a taxidermist.

Do not allow the dog to eat at the table, no matter how good his manners are.
 
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