'Neck News - Vol. 2 Issue 13 - June 8, 2006

REDNECK PHOTO of the DAY
 Real people, really!

Redneck Bass Tournament

FAVORITE REDNECKS SAYINGS

She's purtier than a mess of fried catfish.

He's slicker than a harpooned hippo on a banana tree.

That’s nuttier than a port-a-potty at a peanut festival.

He'd whine if you hung him with a new rope.

That boy is about as sharp as a cue ball.

You couldn't hit a bull in the butt with a bass fiddle.

He's ridin' a gravy train on biscuit wheels.

 

 YOU'RE A REDNECK IF...

You've bathed with flea and tick soap.

You've been involved in a custody fight over a hunting dog.

Your kids take a siphon hose to show and tell.

You think a hot tub is a stolen indoor plumbing fixture.

You go to the stock car races and don't need a program.

MARTHA STEWART'S
* TIPS FOR REDNECKS *
Part Three

DATING (Outside the Family)
1. Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.
2. Establish with her parents what time she is expected back. Some will say 10:00 PM. Others might say " Monday ". If the latter is the answer, it is the man's responsibility to get her to school on time.

THEATER ETIQUETTE
1. Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.
2. Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.
 
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